Video Creator’s Channel Chris Williamson
Theres A Difference Between Whats Called Harmonious
passion and obsessive passion. Obsessive passion means that you feel like you need this thing and if you can’t have it you’re never gonna be happy, whereas harmonious passion means you just do what you want it’s way more intrinsic it’s way healthier If you feel like you’re attached to something then it owns you you don’t own it and that’s really what obsessive passion is is where this thing owns you and it’s actually driving the ship and that’s not what goals are for Benjamin Hardy welcome to the show Yes Chris always happy to be with you welcome back come on it’s been a while yeah it’s been I think it was must it must have been during the pandemic because you know yeah it was during the pandemic so it had it we’re not pre we know it hasn’t been. That long yeah, I know yeah! We still haven’t ventured out outside of a pandemic since we’ve been mates, but one of the things that you talk about a lot is to do with high achievers and performing goals and managing to achieve stuff? Why do you think it is that most high achievers are quite unhappy. It’s the hedonic treadmill that we talk about so basically and this is kind of a Dan Sullivan concept of the gap in the game, but the gap is where you’re measuring yourself against your ideals and your ideals are like the horizon in the desert, so you’re it doesn’t matter how many steps you’re taking towards the horizon the horizon keeps moving with you and so it doesn’t matter how successful you are compared to your former self. If you’re always measuring yourself against the horizon in front of you you’re.
Always Going To Feel Like Trash
um and so that’s what we would call the gap is you’re always measuring yourself against where you wish you were and you then devalue where you currently are when where you currently are is fundamentally enormously further along than your former self. You may be living beyond the dreams of your former self. But if you’re always measuring yourself against that moving horizon then then you’re always feeling like you’re behind the eight ball and that’s that’s what high achievers do it doesn’t matter what they’ve accomplished. They’re always measuring themselves against where they wish they were and then therefore devaluing where they currently are yeah you say that happiness can be a burden. What do you mean by that well happiness is a burden if you if you think you have to go get it so if you think I have to.
Go And Accomplish This Thing In Order To
become happy. I need to be a millionaire. I need to have that book published. I need that new York. If you feel like you need to go out and get happiness.
Then You Make It A Burden For Yourself.
You know it’s it’s not something happiness is not something you pursue happiness is not something you chase it’s not something that outside of yourself that’s actually one of the fundamental realities is it’s not outside of you. If you’re actually chasing happiness outside of you. It’s because you’re you’ve got some emptiness inside of you that you’re trying to fill with external accomplishment and you’re never going to actually be able to to find it. Like it’s it’s a it’s an endless chase to nowhere because the the hole is inside of you it’s not outside of you so if that’s.
The Gap Whats The Gain So
the gain is multi-fold, but in the most simple terms. The gain is is that you’re only measuring yourself against where you were before so like before this conversation. You were telling me about how in the last year and half two years your podcast is 10x right so the gain would be measuring yourself against where you were during our last conversation you know and you can pick any starting point um so there’s a quote from Ernest Hemingway. Ernest Hemingway was a famous novelist and he said true nobility is not about being superior to other people. True nobility is about being superior to your former self right.
So The Gain Is When I Ben Hardy
only measure myself against former Benjamin Hardy and I’m only measuring my gains where was I a week ago, where was I a year ago, where was I five years ago. I’m tracking my gains, I’m seeing my gains and I’m living in the game. I’m actually referencing my gains and I’m and I’m recognizing and also appreciating my progress and what that does there’s you know endless psychological benefits to doing this. One of them is you know the most immediate one people think about is well gratitude well that makes sense, but it’s also confidence because confidence is the byproduct of past performance and so what’s that confidence is is the product of past performance. What’s that mean that’s what confidence is you know you can’t have confidence in future performance.
You Can Only Have Confidence In What Youve
done. You know and so if I look back on my past that I actually have written this book. Then I have then I can actually measure my past. I can say oh I’ve actually done this that gives me confidence, which then can initiate what I want to do next and so you can only have confidence based on what you’ve done and actually when it comes to measuring progress. I can’t measure future performance.
I Cant Measure What Ive Done
in the future. It doesn’t exist. The only thing I can actually measure is what I’ve done and so the gain is when you start actually measuring your progress and also start valuing your progress um and then from there you can do whatever you want but now. I’m playing a one-player game. I’m no longer competing with you.
Im No Longer Worried About What The Idea
is. in the future because my ideals are going to keep changing I’m just now measuring myself accurately against myself, which then enables me to have a lot more intrinsic motivation. It allows me to stop comparing and competing and really just actually playing my own game and saying okay. This is the progress. I’ve made what I want to make now and it really has no one else no one else’s opinion of my progress is relevant.
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Your Opinion Of My Progress Is Irrelevant The
only person whose opinion of my progress that matters is me, but if i’m in the gap. I’m devaluing my own progress. I’m now saying it doesn’t matter what I’ve accomplished because I didn’t get that achievement the best analogy is being in the desert and looking at the horizon and aiming for the horizon. It strikes such a chord man with pretty much all. of the high achievers that I know of that they they chase after a thing for forever and ever and ever and then they finally get there and the first thing that people ask them and that they talk about is what are you gonna do next? So what am I gonna do next you’re constantly moving the goal posts.
Its Kind Of Like Its Like
being your own worst enemy. If if that was the way that your friend spoke to you if your friend said every time that you did something good yeah yeah that’s all right but like this this is really that’s the real this is this and then when you got the real they said yeah yeah yeah, but but this now this one that you you’d want to tear the head off you would not be friends with them anymore no and it’s it’s. Unrelenting it’s unrelenting. I mean I’ll give an example um basic example. I I launched my first book willpower doesn’t work and this is like the fulfillment of a dream of 10 years.
You Know Like If I Wanted To
write this book. I end up growing this big audience. I get a book deal for multi-six figures. I end up writing this book and it doesn’t hit the New York Times bestseller list and so now I frame it as a failure right and so that’s the gap right. I’m framing it against what it should have been or what ideally could have been and so now I’ve just devalued All of this progress that I just made over the last 10 years and now I feel like a failure because it wasn’t what I thought it ideally should have been and even with this recent launch I mean.
All Markers By Far The Biggest Launch Ever
but I’m already in the gap thinking well I could have doubled it you know so like it’s an unrelenting thing unless you get into the gain and just measure yourself backwards. This literally where am I now versus where I was I before that’s all I need to do two elements there the should and the could that’s that’s quite interesting as well because those are all gaps should wood could or all gap yeah and especially the could because they could is is it physically possible if you’re a high achiever you’re probably going to go for I want to start a podcast. Therefore I’m looking at Rogan or Lex Friedman or call her daddy or something that’s where I’m gonna put myself out but by its very nature. There’s only one of those people in the world there’s only. one number one and everybody else is not number one.
So If Everyone On The Planet
tried to become number one you’re going to end up failing at that you’re always going to be dissatisfied, but I suppose a lot of people get addicted to the gap as a motivating factor. Because feelings of insufficiency can propel you forward to do hard things yeah. I mean it’s it is it is a a good fuel for people who want to achieve or prove themselves, but at the end of the day. It will never satisfy the internal problem that it’s fueling and the internal problem. It’s fueling is is that you’re still trying to get to some place.
You Think You Need To Get To In
order to be worthy or or or whole or happy and it’s never going to get there the gap won’t go away like let’s. Just say you actually do create the biggest podcast now you’re bigger than Rogan, Okay cool you just beat Rogan congrats now you’re now you’re now you’re somebody but that gap’s now going to be 50 times bigger because now you’re now you’re measuring yourself against something else and so it’s not that achieving things is bad. It’s that the gap is never going to actually fulfill the the problem that it’s trying to satisfy um and so having ideals is great having goals is great I mean my goals keep getting bigger and bigger being in the game doesn’t shrink my ambition. It actually just enables me to know that the ambition isn’t going to actually make me happy. I’m already happy you don’t actually set goals to be happy you should set goals because you’re already happy like I’m not setting goals and trying to write these books.
In Order To Become A Happy
person? I’m doing it because I’m already stoked and I just want to keep growing my own happiness. I’m not trying to you know fill some need that is an empty space within me. You know what if people have an empty space, what if they they don’t feel like they’re enough maybe they they feel like There are certain things that they want to achieve in life or paths and failures.
There’s a difference between what’s called harmonious passion and obsessive passion . Obsessive passion means that you feel like you need this thing and if you can’t have it you’re never gonna be happy . Harmonious passion means you just do what you want it’s more intrinsic it’s way healthier . Benjamin Hardy welcome to the show Yes Chris always happy to be with you welcome back come on it’s been a while yeah, I think it must have been during the pandemic because you know yeah it was during the . pandemic so it had it we’re not pre we know it hasn’t been. We still haven’t ventured out outside of a pandemic since we’ve been mates! We’re not going to venture out outside since we’ve been mates, but one of the things that you talk about a lot is to do with high achievers and performing goals and managing to achieve stuff? Why do you think it is that most high . achievers are quite unhappy?…. Click here to read more and watch the full video