Video Creator’s Channel The Critical Drinker

Oh Warner Brothers What Are You Doing To Us

and your time you’ve given us some of the best comic book movies ever but then you tried to jump on the Marvel extended universe Bandwagon except without all the planning and patience and quality control and you ended up delivering an absolute shite. Remember Suicide Squad. Everyone remember thinking wow this Harlequin is awesome I really hope she gets to star in her own goofy cartoonish r-rated female empowerment movie alongside a bunch of characters. Nobody ever heard of nah me. Neither birds of prey and the fantabulous Manse bleep off film stop trying to be funny and quirky.

Birds Of Prey Is A Garbage Movie And

I mean that in the most literal sense of the word it’s disposable entertainment of the highest order, something you’re expected to consume with absolutely zero thought or intelligence and then promptly forget. Just like the people who made it a vanity project spun off from a failed superhero team-up that nobody cared about a vapid self–indulgent, a meaningless badly written horribly pasted conglomeration of different ideas that work together about as effectively as Kathleen Kennedy and directors who are capable of independent thought pitched to a market that doesn’t exist and starring a bunch of actors who aren’t big or interested enough to get our season seats in shorts. It was a complete bleep chore to get through and for the next ten minutes. I’m gonna explain exactly why join me as I review Birds of prey. So the film picks up sometime after the events of Suicide Squad I guess Jared Leto is still in the huffed with Warner Brothers, so the Joker is suspiciously absent from this film instead.

Hes Broken Up With Harley Quinn After

taking credit for a bunch of crimes that she apparently plans because she was the real mastermind behind everything he did don’t you know let a man take credit for a woman.’s work bleep off Ruby Rose but get used to this kind of subtle messaging because you’ll be seeing a lot of it in this movie anyway. This is all bad news for her because she spent the past few years acting like a total bleep without fear of reprisal, but if music gets out that the Joker dumped her. She’s completely screwed no you may think it would make sense for her to leave Gotham and find a new place to live. But now she just hangs around and keeps acting like everything’s cool so she goes to a nightclub and gets totally shit-faced and breaks the guy’s legs because he got mad when.

Spilled A Drink On Him Whats

a delightful character, Thus when were introduced to the antagonist of the movie, Although I used the word reluctantly because I’m too drunk to think of anything more appropriate for this Absolut Goon Romans Sionis is the sadistic owner of the nightclub and one of the big crime lords in Gotham. He puts up with Harley’s bleep because he thinks she’s still under the Joker’s protection but not for long. Harley decides that she needs to get over the Joker properly and what better way to do it than to steal a gas tanker and drive it straight into the chemical plant where they first got together. You know I could point out that a massive chemical explosion in the middle of the crowded city would almost certainly cause untold damage to the environment and the health of millions of people living in the. affected area not to mention killing dozens if not hundreds of innocent civilians actually working at the plants, but the script is like nah it’ll be fine anyway.

Word Soon Gets Out That Harley Is

no longer under the Joker’s protection so a couple of goons tried to abduct her outside Romans nightclub, but in comes Black Canary, a singer who for some reason is also skilled enough to beat sue fully drawn men in hand,-to-hand combat you go girl Roman happens to notice this little alleyway fight. So he hires Black Canary to be his new limo driver because his old one has two broken legs. Courtesy of Harley Quinn. He sends Black Canary to retrieve a very special diamond for him that used to belong to one of Gotham‘s big crime families before they all got assassinated. The diamond is important because it contains the bank accounts where they’ve hidden their family fortune okay, but it all goes tits up when a teenage pickpocket named Cassandra steals the diamond from an incompetent Henchman because all men are incompetent.

In This Movie I Guess Only To

get arrested and UK into a nearby police station. So she takes the stolen diamond and swallows it in full view of the cops sitting right next to her okay. Meanwhile, a Gotham detective named Montoya, my name is Inigo Montoya. He’s investigating a murder carried out by a mysterious crossbow assassin. Montoya is a tough-talking no-nonsense cop who keeps getting held back because her male colleagues take credit for her work.

I Am Mary Man Sue Montoya

catches up with Harley and tries to capture her and it made me laugh until I was in danger of pissing myself because Rosie Perez is. old and she moves with all the speed and agility of me After two bottles of whiskey Anyway. Harley escapes only to run straight into more of Romans Goons, who took her to his nightclubs, so he can torture her to death, but then she somehow stalks him out of it by saying that she can recover the missing diamond for him because apparently she’s really good at finding things right you don’t need to find the diamond your dick you already know where it is It’s inside Cassandra who’s inside the police station. You don’t need a detective for this one. You need a bleep assault team but the genius script is like Nah it’ll be fine because it needs to get Harley out of this situation and moving again and it can’t think of a smarter way to make it happen.

So Roman Lets Her Go On The Promise.

She’ll recover the diamond for him because it’s not like she could just skip town on him and disappear forever. For the purposes of this movie. Gotham City is basically the only place in the universe that actually exists did a bleep kindergarten Oh right this anyway. Harley goes to the police station, which I guess must be staffed by the dumbest most incompetent cops on the planet because she’s able to fight her way inside single-handed and not one cop thinks to radio for reinforcements or return fire on her or do anything except stand there waiting to get shot honestly.

You Could Replace These Idiots With Cardboard

cutouts and the scene would play out pretty much the same so she gets down to the cells and Springs. Cassandra, but she also releases all the other prisoners by accident and because. Everyone in this city bleep hates Harley Quinn. They all decide to attack her instead of you know escaping come on Let’s get Q. Another cringe-worthy fight scene with some extremely accommodating stuntmen.

You Know How Its Kind Of

implausible that someone of Margot Robbie’s size and build could defeat even a single heavily built man in a balanced engagements well multiply the implausibility factor by roughly a dozen and you’ll have some sense of how this scene plays out everyone waits their turn to attack. Everyone swings and misses. Everyone gets taken out by a single punch because that’s totally all it takes to floor. A 200-pound man Harley just churns through them all and it skips with Cassandra like it was nothing no all of these various events probably sound like convoluted nonsense to you and frankly. They are but basically.

There Are Five Main Plot Threads Running.

Movie one Roman wants to recover the diamond inside Cassandra and kill Harley. Two currently plans to trade Cassandra in exchange for her own life. Three. Black Canary is now a reluctant enforcer for Roman.

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Four.

Montoya is trying to arrest Harley five. Some Arseholes going around assassinating people with a crossbow. Eventually all the various parties converge on an abandoned amusement park, which for some reason is still fully functional because the script says we need to have a fight scene in the funhouse, and all the girls learn to put aside their differences and work together to smash the patriarchy. Sorry I mean defeat Roman and his henchmen that calls for even more cringe-worthy fight scenes with even more accommodating stunt men and then Roman dies.

Cassandra Bleep So At The Diamond And

the movie ends and that’s it that’s the plot for a birds of prey Sorry. Glossed over that last part but honestly by that point in the movie, My brain was turning into lumpy Porridge and I was struggling to remember where I even was or what was happening? Assessing birds of prey is a tricky prospect because there are so many things wrong with it It’s hard to know where to start so I guess I’ll tackle it in no particular order because that’s exactly how this movie chooses to tell its story see what I did there. The story is told from Harley’s point of view and because she’s the very definition of an unreliable narrator. Events are short out of sequence and usually make no sense to begin with. Then she realized she missed out some important bleep and go back and fill in the blanks.

Later, I Guess The Writers Watched A

lot of Guy Ritchie movies before they did this. film because Birds of Prey is trying painfully hard to copy his fast-paced nonlinear storytelling style. It’ll even do that freeze-frame thing where a new character gets introduced and sure little montage of their personal history to give them some quick backstory. The difference here is that Guy Ritchie understands how to craft an intelligent, well–structured story that functions on its own merits. The flashbacks and additional scenes are there to add new context and different meaning to established events instead of literally explaining stuff that makes no sense.

Initially Thats The Difference Between Talented Intelligent Screenwriters

who actually understand how to put together a smart story that keeps people invested and dumb talentless hacks trying in vain to copy them anyway. The movie eventually decides nonlinear storytelling is too hard and settles into a bog standard format for the second and third acts, which brings me neatly along to. of birds of prey is all over the place. The first act is frantic and hyperactive laying on so many out of sequence events, characters and plot threads that it’s hard to even know what’s going on half the time, but then it all just kind of grinds to a halt around the 40-minute mark and this is where birds of prey really starts to drag. The film’s 109 minutes long, but honestly it feels like well over two hours.

They Could Have Cut About 20

minutes of pattern and it would have made for a leaner more effective story instead it feels overstuffed with too much bleep that drags it down. Another problem is the characters for a start there’s too bleep many of them and the script doesn’t know what to do with them half the time. Harley and Black Canary are the only ones that get any. Development Hunt is a total nonentity with no personality or screen presence who only shows up in like the last 20 minutes Anyway and Mary Elizabeth Winstead plays her like she literally got handed the script 30.

Summary

The film picks up sometime after the events of Suicide Squad . Jared Leto is still in the huffed with Warner Brothers, so the Joker is suspiciously absent from this film instead . The Joker’s broken up with Harley Quinn after taking credit for a bunch of crimes that she apparently plans because she was the real mastermind behind everything he did don’t you know let a man take credit for the woman . The film was a vapid self-indulgent, a meaningless badly written horribly pasted conglomeration of different ideas that work together about as effectively as Kathleen Kennedy and directors who are capable of independent thought pitched to a market that doesn’t exist and starring actors who aren’t big or interested enough to get our season seats in shorts . The movie was a complete bleep chore to get through and for the next ten minutes. The film is a garbage movie and I mean that it’s disposable entertainment of the highest order, something you’re expected to consume with absolutely zero thought or intelligence and then promptly forget….. Click here to read more and watch the full video