Video Creator’s Channel Chris Stuckmann

I Did Not Hit Her Its Not True Its

blumin I did not hit her. I did not oh-hi mark that’s what time so you guys voted on Twitter to review Crappy video game movies instead of Crappy superhero movies and I’m going to do that and it worked out perfectly because Assassin’s Creed comes out in December. This couldn’t have been more perfect. Let’s talk about some really horrible video game adaptations. My God There’s a lot to choose from starting with do a Dead or Alive let’s start by taking a look at the blu-ray.

The Best Movie Adaptation Of A Video Game

so far is that a compliment it’s one breathless martial arts action sequence after the other see that could also be a positive or negative. I’m sure you all know that the Dead or Alive games are just the best fighting games. Ever made they’re way better than the Mortal Kombat games they’re far better than the Super Smash games. I mean Dead or Alive is the pinnacle of fighting games. We all know that I remember seeing these games quite often they went through a period of extreme popularity as well as the Dead or Alive Volleyball games, which for obvious reasons had some popularity amongst adolescent boys I won’t Lie I played a demo of that game Yeah I was hardcore inevitably.

We Eventually Got Do A Dead

or Alive. The movie. A movie with the acronym UK really is a bad idea because this movie in every way is dead. On arrival. The opening shot of this movie has such horrendous UK it looks like it’s an episode of Beast Wars from the 90s and of course, the opening scene takes place in Japan with a bunch of Japanese.

People Who Speak English All The Time When

they’re alone so the character of Kasumi flees her home in a ripoff of Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon and then this happens so does she have paragliding equipment underneath her clothes that entire time and who sent that device that’s some amazing aim never mind it honestly is like the filmmakers just don’t want us to question anything that happens because whenever something incredibly dumb happens which trust me is a lot. They just cut to like some beautiful woman in a bikini or some butt shot It happens a lot trust me we’re going to get into the butt shots We’re gonna we’re gonna get into the butt shots, so Jaime Pressly plays Tina Armstrong and she’s introduced with a hilariously terrible fight scene that looks like Mortal Kombat annihilation made love to Dragonball Evolution does that sound like a good. combination to you because to me that sounds like hell So Tina gets picked for this tournament as well as Kristy who gets introduced with this scene. My God. The fact that this even exists is incredible and her kicks come complete with whip sound effects We’re gonna get more into those sound effects later trust me.

So All Of These People Have

been chosen for the Dead or Alive tournament. They’re supposed to go to this place where they compete to see who’s the best fighter ever and of course there’s like a stupid dumb backstory with nanobots because of course you know nanobots my god there’s a backstory with nanobots. This film also features horrific wirework. I guess Kasumi can fly. I mean everyone on this movie just defies gravity at a constant rate.

I Dont Really Know What I

was expecting, but at least 90% of this. movie is just pervy shots of girls body so that’s all in it now This this isn’t something that I complain about necessarily especially in a movie like this my issue with Dead or Alive. The biggest one that I have with it is that this film should just be that just girls fighting and it’s like tongue-in-cheek and fun and that’s it. This film actually has the guts to have a story like a dramatic backstory. Kasumi has this tragic past with her brother who tried to protect her the horrifyingly bad villain played by Eric Roberts from The Dark Knight is somebody who wants to suck all of these players energy into him through Nano bot technology.

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Well Get More Into That But Its Like

could you just had it be a tournament movie just have it be like the Dragon Ball Z World Tournament my God what. thinking so I said I’d mentioned more of the sound effects. This girls kick sounds like a rocket flew by and this guy’s arms come complete with Goldeneye 64 sound effects also what’s hilarious is These people Don’t meet at a tournament arena. They just have like watches that flash the person’s name They’re going to fight and that person just like shows up in their hotel room like bust through the door destroys the property. They have fights like everywhere in public in front of people they don’t have a dedicated arena couldn’t they have just had an arena anything just anything they just they just show up and be like hey we’re supposed to fight.

Oh Blumin Ah And Of Course What

would any movie like this be without a ton of lesbian jokes. Oh my God no dad she’s just another fighter we’re just sleeping. Sleeping together, I’d see that no no I mean what we’re not sleeping together we’re just sleeping Sweetie. I’ve come at a bad time again. Anna does a Kristy know about you too dad yep that’s what this movie needed lesbian jokes, but hey at least there’s a volleyball scene.

Its Probably The Best Scene In The Movie

Cuz it’s so dumb and you just like fine. There’s also another backstory with this girl named a Yani, who’s stalking Kasumi everywhere because she’s in love with Kasumi’s brother or something and she constantly challenges Kasumi to fights so in between the horribly choreographed tournament fight scenes that Don’t actually take place in a tournament arena. We get a bunch of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon Ripoff scenes. This film was directed by Corey Yuwen mmm. This was the last film he ever directed and that really doesn’t surprise me at all.

Now Im Going To Show You An

actual scene from this movie I have changed nothing so the beginning of the next fight scene is like the beginning of a terrible porn. I have never seen a more fanservice e movie than this. This is the closest I’ve ever seen to like an anime fan service live-action movie but this fight scene did give me my biggest laugh in the entire film. So when Tina has to do her big fight scene for whatever reason. She chooses denim and boots you know the best fighting attire and she’s also given an amazingly lifelike and realistic sound effect so right here this very abrupt and unnecessary backstory is revealed with the dude running this joint this nanobots scheme he has and it’s just like why this should have been just a fight movie A mindlessly dumped popcorn film and we’re given.

Huge Backstory And Characters Have Dramatic

depth but hey, I mean at least we get this moment out of the scene and now we get a sword fight scene where this girl is apparently slicing through dozens of people and there is not a drop of blood in sight. This is pathetic. I’m sorry how am I supposed to believe that any of this is taking place how am I supposed to believe in ounce of this. This girl is slicing through like 35 people and they’re all just like Ahhh and this is where the movie truly goes to blumin I mean it was already awful but this this is when it gets bad. Donavan captures everyone and then uses special sunglasses that he refers to as the future to absorb all of their various powers and abilities.

Im Actually Not Sure What Happens, But

he puts. puts on sunglasses and then can analyze what someone is about to do and he do comes like the best fighter ever as long as he’s wearing those sunglasses Kasumi’s brothers of course still alive, he’s been kept there as a slave or something I don’t know it’s amazing bleah bad. The next moment and the movie is by far the most unbelievable one out loud when I watched this last night I said to myself how was this released in theaters. So of course, all the girls have to team up to fight this guy and just like every other fight scene. In the movie it’s filled with obvious stunt doubles, terrible wirework and very basic fight choreography.

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More Falling People Are Saved Hilariously And Then

the dudes sunglasses finally fall off and now he can’t fight anymore. I just have one question if you’re like this evil mastermind. And you want to become a super strong fighter? Why would you make the one object that makes you a super-strong fighters sunglasses possibly the worst thing to wear during a fight scene forget about the Matrix Reloaded and the Matrix Revolutions wearing sunglasses well fighting is probably a terrible idea because you’re just gonna fly off. Why would you make that be your only hope so of course the entire place is eventually going to blow up because there’s a ticking time bomb. The guy said for some reason who knows why you wanted to blow up this place, but everyone jumps away and it’s slow-motion explosions and this film has no idea where to end by the way everyone’s making out on a boat and then it kind of cuts to black like hey it’s over and then we get a weird montage of all of the sexy.

Theyre Like Hey, I Guess That Ending Wasnt

cool enough so let’s show a montage of the sexy parts and let people leave on a high but then it continues to go. The girls are like back in Japan and they’re gonna fight all these men and I guess they’re a team now so yay they didn’t make any more of these Thank God guys do a Dead or Alive is terrible whatever with everything about this movie is bad it’s awful. I mean what did you expect me to say guys stay tuned So I’m going to be reviewing some more terrible video game movies leading up to Assassin’s Creed you Guys are the best thank you so much as always for watching and if you like this you can click right here and get stuck mine eyes you.

Summary

The Dead or Alive games are just the best fighting games ever made . They’re way better than the Mortal Kombat games they’re far better than Super Smash games . The opening shot of this movie has such horrendous UK it looks like it’s an episode of Beast Wars from the 90s . The movie with the acronym UK really is a bad idea because this movie in every way is dead. The opening scene takes place in Japan with a bunch of Japanese people who speak English all the time when they’re alone so the character of Kasumi flees her home in a ripoff of Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon and then this happens so does she have paragliding equipment underneath her clothes that entire time and who sent that device that’s some amazing aim never mind never mind. The filmmakers just don’t want us to question anything that happens because of the filmmakers just want to question any of the things that happens. The movie. I did not hit her it’s not true it’s ….. Click here to read more and watch the full video