Does Anyone Care About Male Loneliness Max Dickins Modern Wisdom Podcast 511

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Video Creator’s Channel Chris Williamson

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She Said To Me In The Pub So Who

you going to have as best man and I sort of palmed her off and thought Oh my mom’s gone blank. I just I’ll be fine. It will come to me in a moment and I went back that night and I made a list of my male friends and I looked down the list and I realized I worked with most of them and they’d find it really weird if I asked them to be best man and the rest of them. I maybe hadn’t had any meaningful contact with them for two three years, and I just thought oh my god where have all my friends gone did you watch paddy pimlet’s Octagon interview this weekend. I did funnily enough.

I I Tweeted Something About That

today. I thought he was brilliant and I thought it was brilliant for. two reasons number one The message which was about friendship and about guys having to talk about real stuff to to kind of intervene in these mental health challenges that men are having but also I think the messenger with men is really important, so there’s a lot of messengers that I think men just tune out but an absolute animal like faddy the baddie, saying this stuff. I think a lot of men are going to buy into it. So I was delighted and I thought he was brilliant yeah.

Its For The People That Didnt See

it Paddy is a UFC fighter currently up and coming people drawing some similarities between him and Conor McGregor quite outspoken. He’s scouse, which means that he’s from Liverpool. If you don’t know where that is very very strong accent swears a lot very much a lady Lad gets very fat in. between fights and at the end of this victory that he had he said that his friend had taken his own life on what must have been Thursday night and I think he weighed in on Friday morning so he woke up at 4am on the morning of his weigh-in. So this is 36 hours before he’s about to fight to find out that one of his own friends has taken his life and he got the the text or whatever the alert somehow from one of the family members and then used his opportunity to speak in the octagon about how men need to speak up you know I would much sooner take a phone call from a friend that was crying.

Then Attend His Funeral.

He was beautifully done man so spectacularly done yeah and in the I watched the post match he did on espn as well. He went into a bit more detail. He was talking about how I think this is a scouse word, but he said the thing about women is They can have a gap. He said they can have a gap with their mates Over a cup of tea they.

He Said They Dont Stop Talking But He

said with blokes if you try to talk about certain stuff. I think the line he said is like what you’re doing lad grow up and I thought that was yeah we’ve all been in conversations maybe when we were a bit younger, where similar sort of phrase has been used and yeah I mean it’s great that someone such profile is talking about it but in in language that normal people use you know what I mean I find it interesting at the moment because there’s sort of two worlds that are colliding. At the same time when it comes to talking about men and mental health. One of them is stop being such a victim. You know get hold of your bootstraps pick yourself up carry the weight.

You Know Re-Embrace Traditional Masculine Roles

and archetypes. The Jocko Goggins Jordan Peterson style of things, but also the kind of reassuring men. You just need to do some stuff that’s going to make you feel good and reconnect with your masculine purpose. That is so close to the line of just man up stopping such a bleep the the next conversation, which is men need to open up about their emotions. Men can be sad too it’s important that if you are feeling down as a guy that you open up to people and it’s not just enough to treat male depression or sadness in the same way that female depression gets treated.

Making Them Feel Like They Belong They

need to feel like they’re worth something they need to feel like they have purpose and meaning and capability and those two worlds of men being told to man up, which has its uses and men are also being told to open up Yeah that is a really difficult line to pass. I think it is. I spoke to a psychologist called Fred Rabinovitz at the University of Redlands in California, and he’s a poker player semi-pro plays golf as well as running men’s groups being a therapist. So he’s got both sides to it right almost like what kind of what you’re explaining, and he put it to me in a way that seems really sort of simple, which is you need to have a expand your toolbox so as long as you’ve got tools for different conversations that’s fine you don’t. have to be one way you don’t have to be new age mush all the time because I think a lot of men switch off to that.

I Know I Certainly Did, But Also

um. There are some times where if you want to go through the gears in a conversation to mix my metaphors, you do have to have other tools. You know sometimes in life you’ve got to have a conversation about something big and you’ve got to show up a bit different to that than if you’re in the pub and you’re having having some fun with your mates. I think it doesn’t have to be as complex as maybe we think it is but I completely agree with you. Those two world views that are kind of rubbing up against each other, but maybe they’re more complimentary than both sides.

Reckon I Think A Lot Of.

It is to do with expectation because manning up and opening up. It takes a lot of courage and bravery, which are typically masculine traits in order to open up in any case, but it’s more about sort of like cultural stereotypes? What is it what does it mean to be a man? Things like that going back? What got you starting to think about men’s friendships in the first place so um just pure necessity. I didn’t really realize I had a problem with my friendships until I was. I was planning on proposing to my girlfriend and I literally went as far as being in a shop in Hatton Garden, which is a dueling jewelers district in London.

I Went With A Female Pal

for sort of moral and aesthetic support. Because I don’t know what I’m doing obviously and afterwards having shot she said to me in. The pub so who you going to have as best man and I sort of palmed her off and thought Oh my mum’s gone blank. I just I’ll be fine I’ll just it will come to me in a moment and I went back that night and I made a list of my male friends and I looked down the list and I realized I worked with most of them and they’d find it really weird if I asked them to be best man and that the rest of them. I maybe hadn’t had any meaningful contact with them for two three years and I just thought oh my God where have all my friends gone and then I googled the phrase getting married no best man and there was something like 950 million results and if you click on them.

  • friendships
  • friendship
  • conversation
  • friends
  • talk

A Lot Of Them Are Wedding

website forums and blokes saying I’m really worried I’m getting I’m telling the knot. I’ve got no one people giving them terrible advice like why Don’t you use your dog? It’s awful awful tips and I realized that a lot of other guys were in this position and when I looked into the research. I discovered that men since the 1970s if social scientists have looked at the data and when they’re measuring this stuff. Men have had less friends than women and especially less close friends and I’m sure we’ll get into what that means to have a close friend and also what was interesting. The second problem men seem to have is that this gets worse as they get older so men have bigger social groups than women in their mid-20s get to your mid–40s that’s flipped on its head so sociologists.

Shrinkage Very Boring Term Something Pretty Simple.

Our mates seem to disappear, whereas women are better at maintaining and probably developing new friendships. So I thought that was interesting. So why is that and I tried to work out the reasons so I could solve my friendship problem get a best man but also kind of go. This is a quest is curious right because we’re always told that men have it best, but in this case they don’t so what’s the reason why yeah well.

I Mean You Know Talking About Different

inequalities that you’ve got in the world. There seems to be a friendship inequality that’s going on here that’s pretty stark and that is upstream from the suicide inequality that you see as well. Yeah absolutely so I mean they’re connected so if you look at male mental health. We as you say paddy the bad is. talking about it biggest killer of men under the age of 45? Certainly in the Uk and the samaritans who look into this stuff do studies.

They Say One Of The Biggest Causes Of

male suicide is a lack of social support that the fact that men are isolated Don’t have people to talk to there’s what’s called a big build effect. You know you don’t tell anyone about what you’re going through and then you may be taking action, which is obviously seriously lethal or or dangerous rather than talking about it, but also physical problems. Loneliness is worse for you than smoking 15 cigarettes. A day. A big matter study revealed recently loneliness is worth for you than being obese or drinking a lot so that’s I never thought that would be true, but it shows you if you get if you get some mates you can also.

  • think messenger men really
  • message friendship guys having
  • men having think messenger
  • starting think men friendships place
  • men friends women especially close

Abuse Your Body So There Is An Upside

buy yourself, some beers and some burgers If you have some mates that that’s the positive but um that’s. I’ve read that that’s mad that’s because you wouldn’t think it would have anything to do with your physical body, But it does why is male loneliness unique. Then how come it’s gendered in a way so it’s the way male or loneliness is gendered is is I suppose two things. One is that kind of like I said they lack intimacy in their friendships so the people that they can go to and talk about a meaningful thing so. For example, the Movember Foundation, a male mental health charity.

Recent Survey.

A recent study said one in three men have no close friends, and then part of that same study was to ask that group of men how many people in your. life could you talk to about something serious like a health problem work problem relationship Problem 50 said No one at all so those sort of conversations that sort of sense of someone really knowing you and you really knowing them men don’t.

Summary

Paddy is a UFC fighter currently up and coming people drawing some similarities between him and Conor McGregor quite outspoken . He’s scouse, which means that he’s from Liverpool, swears a lot very much a lady Lad gets very fat in.& between fights and at the end of this victory that he had he said that his friend had taken his own life on what must have been Thursday night and I think he weighed in on Friday morning so he woke up at 4am on the morning of his weigh-in. 36 hours before he’s about to fight to find out that one of his own friends has taken his life and he got the the text or whatever the alert somehow from one of the family members and then used his opportunity to use his chance to talk about it . Paddy was delighted and I thought he was brilliant yeah. He said he thought it was brilliant for two reasons number one The message which was about friendship and about guys having to talk to to kind of intervene in these mental health challenges…. Click here to read more and watch the full video