Video Creator’s Channel Chris Stuckmann
I Did Not Hit Her Its Not True Its
bleep I did not hit her. I did not Oh hi mark that’s what time welcome back to my hilarious ‘ti series of terrible video game adaptations I’ve already covered do a Dead or Alive leading up to Assassin’s Creed in December and now We’re going to talk about House of the Dead directed by Uwe Boll, director known for a lot of video game adaptations Don’t know the guy personally so I’m not going to say anything about him personally, but his movies are not the greatest and we’re going to talk about House of the Dead. Oh-ho so House of the Dead was based off of the Light Gun Arcade game I played it quite a bit as a kid in movie theater chains. It was made by Sega. It was a lot of fun.
It Was Just Fine.
What it was and for whatever reason? Somebody sitting at a table somewhere probably wearing a suit that was a little too tight for him and he was probably choking a little bit, causing the blood circulation to not quite go to his brain said Hey house the dead should be a movie and we should get that kind of directed and somebody made a phone call and it actually happened and this film was released in theaters. Despite the fact that it looks worse than a made-for-Tv movie on the sci-fi channel seriously. I mean this movie looks so terrible. It is basically like he took the camera and pointed it at somebody and said okay cut and then pointed at somebody else okay cut and then point over there.
Okay Cut And Then Pointed Over
there like that’s the movie that’s it there isn’t a single thing of. This film let’s start talking about it. The opening credits of this movie represent the worst that electronic music has to offer as well as visual effects that look like they were from the 80s kind of like when computer effects were first invented and they were trying things like experimenting and similar to the game. It opens with a very cheesy narration that tells us everything we need to know about the characters wear it like fades in to somebody. You get some random narrator talking about them and then there’s no other attempt to give these people a form of characterization or something that we can care about or latch on to it’s just hey.
This Is This Guy And He Does
this and here’s that girl and she’s kind of a sex object and here’s that girl and she’s also kind of a sex object. Oh! And there’s that girl and guess what she’s a sex object Too we’ll talk more about the fact that virtually every female character in this movie, except for maybe one is just there. You have boobs the direction in this movie, as I said resembles a really bad UK commercial where it’s just people standing around and they’re talking about bleep and someone’s filming them so here’s the plot of the movie okay. This is one of the best parts every character here is going to this island a very deserted island that no one wants to go to they can’t find a single person to boat them There no one wants to take them there because of this legend that there’s something spirit istic or there’s like a death surrounding this island. Yet a big rave has been planned there and somehow people are already there with a giant Sega banner no less over their party because that’s what everyone puts up at their raves.
The next time. I have a party I’m just gonna hang a big Nintendo sign and everyone can just dance underneath a Nintendo sign and celebrate the wonder of Nintendo, but let me get back to this extreme logical flaw so no one wants to take anyone to this island. Boaters refuse to take anybody there. Our characters have to give this boating captain a grand to take them to this island one thousand dollars, and he finally says yes how did all of these people for this rave get to the island with all of that equipment If no one wants to take anybody there whoops you’re going to a rave with all these.
- house dead oh
- dead alive leading assassin creed
- dead directed uwe boll
- dead movie kind directed somebody
- said hey house dead movie
Drunk People And You Have Over A Thousand
dollars in cash in your wallet. These characters are dumb and that’s not the first dumb thing they do trust me It continues from there. This movie is filled with the most abysmal flat lifeless humor that I’ve seen in some time. This is a movie about zombies on the island and everybody shoots them in the head. This should be a really fun movie.
There Is None Of That To Be
had in this film none of it so next we go over to the island and there’s a couple there that we have never been introduced to and they’re just like hey here’s some characters in this movie. It’s a girl swimming and a guy who kind of just wants to flop and lay on the beach while she swims right after she takes off her clothes of course and. We get a lot of shots underneath the water at her legs and some music that resembles a film that I love could you possibly have been more blatant and your ripoff of the opening scene of Jaws. I mean is it even possible to be even more obvious. It’s like he even told the composer to sort of mimic John Williams music so the girl from the jaws ripoff scene is now searching for her boyfriend because he disappeared and she finds him and we get our first look at the zombies just about everything in that scene reminded me of Troll 2.
Its Almost Like A Tribute To Troll 2.
Oh my God and right around here something else happens something that blew my mind something that just shook my world something that just drained all of the blood from my veins I just became a lifeless sack. of Goo sitting watching this movie, I swear to you my body deflated. I became a little pus sack that’s all I was throughout this entire film. They’ve chosen to put insert shots of the actual game.
During Scene Transitions, You Couldnt Possibly
make a dumber choice. You couldn’t I genuinely believe there’s nothing dumber you could have done insert shots from the game. Now. I mentioned there’s a police boat following them every time we cut back to this police boat. All we get is UK from this woman.
I Guarantee That Actress Was Nowhere Near That
boat it just pans over the boat. We get some narration of her, saying what’s happening and then eventually later her character actually shows up we’re supposed to somehow be invested in this character. Despite the fact that we’ve never seen her we just have heard her voice a lot the characters. In this movie are the most dull boring idiotic just bleep dumb people You could possibly ever imagine they’re not even people okay they’re just cardboard. They’re like little pieces of paper just kind of floating around the frames and they just so happen to be humans.
This Is One Of The Only Times Ive
watched a movie This bad where I actually start to feel empathy for the actors. I genuinely feel sorry for them. In this movie every time a character says something remotely smart. Some dumb person just changes the topic instantly I think something Bad’s happened here. Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo like what we’re on the island where the wave of the year supposed to be happening, but it’s completely deserted yeah it wears me.
It Worries Me There Wont Be Mixers.
Simon cannot survive on but alone because we wouldn’t want the characters to do anything smart They. us appreciate them or relate to them in some way that would be bad think of my rain why don’t we go somewhere We will get way too late My God I hate this movie real talk here every shot in this movie appears unplanned it really does it honestly feels like there isn’t a single thing storyboarded there’s no plan it’s just a go over there okay it’s good okay yep cut all right um yeah I’ll go over there I’m gonna shoot you right there okay very good yep cut all right that was good want to check the gate. We’re done another thing about this movie that is just such a missed opportunity is that these characters are on an island filled with zombies that sounds really fun that could be a really fun movie like if Edgar Wright directed this movie. It’d be incredible, but who a ball seems to have no idea how to build suspense.
This Film Progresses And Things Are Just Shown.
Some really fucked-up Guy just steps on screen. He’s got his skin is all sewn together and stuff he’s eventually revealed as like the big bad guy, but he just he just literally just steps on the screen. He’s just kind of like this like I haven’t seen a villain reveal that bad since jaws the revenge when the sharp just appears on the screen in flow closeup for the very first time you ever see him so next. They run into people who have encountered the zombies and a play of video.
They Recorded On A Camera That Shows The
zombies just eating people at the rave rather than let. The video provide terror or suspense. They just talk over it and explain everything imagine. disturbing footage scene in signs where Merrill sees the alien on the news videotape imagine if he just sat there going Oh. This is where the alien comes by Oh man.
These People Had No Idea What They Were
gonna deal with all these poor kids that birthday party they really weren’t expecting that were they it’s. It’s like that it is all suspense that could possibly be in this scene is just drained from it. It’s potentially a good idea of finding a video camera with footage showing the zombies first attack. It’s just it literally just shows women flashing the camera with their tits and he’s like Oh whoops let me fast-forward through that I’m like so the one character in this movie I was almost sort of kind of getting close to maybe relating to earlier this girl who was questioning things and people were like no.
About It Now After Seeing The Video
of the zombie attack she just thinks it’s a joke. She thinks it’s a practical joke so their old friend who disappeared earlier. Now reappears as a zombie and she gets blown away by the police boat Captain who up until now was just a dr without a face. In fact, you know what she’s still a dr right now.
I Just Want To Get You
all as far away from here as possible. Just don’t know what to say but you know the best part of this scene is the reaction of the girl who just witnessed her best friend die She’s like a wild animal did you see her face. Oh my God it’s horrible I just can’t right now so now A bunch of zombies climb up the Captain’s boat and he basically just stands in one position pivots at. at 360 and shoots them all a bunch of times with some really great music.
I Mean Its Definitely The Best Music Choice
that could have made and don’t tell me some music from the game. Because I already know that’s the style they’re going for. As I said I used to play this game it’s a game.
House of the Dead was based off of the Light Gun Arcade game I played it quite a bit as a kid in movie theater chains . The opening credits represent the worst that electronic music has to offer as well as visual effects that look like they were from the 80s kind of like when computer effects were first invented and they were trying things like experimenting and similar to the game . Despite the fact that it looks worse than a made-for-Tv movie on the sci-fi channel seriously, this movie looks so terrible. It is basically like he took the camera and pointed it at somebody and said okay cut and then pointed at somebody else okay cut then pointed over there like that’s the movie that’s it there isn’t a single thing of.& This film let’s start talking about it. I did not hit her It’s not true it’s bleep I didn’t hit her.& I did NOT hit her . I did didn’t attack her. It was just fine….. Click here to read more and watch the full video