Psychologys Lessons For Coping With Stress Dr Samantha Boardman Modern Wisdom Podcast 358


Video Creator’s Channel Chris Williamson

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The Other Sort Of Backdoor Intervention That Ive Always

found to be unbelievably powerful is putting yourself in the position of adding value to someone else. It’s unbelievably empowering it puts you in the position of being a giver, like what advice would you give to somebody in this moment. It’s also a wellspring of motivation. You’re a practicing psychiatrist what have been some of the most common trends that you’ve seen over the last year interestingly. At the very beginning of the pandemic.

I Was Really Worried About Some

of my patients who have a lot of anxiety and here’s what happened is a lot of them felt unbelievably prepared for the pandemic. They told me that they were giving advice to their that their worried well friends who you know typically would say to them why are you so anxious what worries you all the time you know. You should come out more and it was really interesting that they I think they had a lot of strategies that they use they had a lot of you know they would use CBt. They sort of knew how to manage their anxiety and so they found themselves in this position of being advice givers and that their experience was sort of helping somebody else and as one of my patients said to me like you know I’ve been doing this all my life like I’ve been ready for this you know for the past 20 years and so I’m you know ready to go and and I think that that was a surprise for sure um you know you know and giving them sort of some strength though, but of course, I mean uncertainty was obviously what was really difficult for people, but what I tried to work with. them on is how certainty is such an illusion anyway and what we sort of imagine in our lives and being able to predict what tomorrow’s going to be So I.

I My Hope Is That Emerging From This

that there has been some growth. Some focus on you know what has one gained in it and even some you know post-traumatic growth is that we’ve actually seen. I I don’t you know you can only really talk about post-traumatic growth in afterwards is an outcome and I think we’re very much mid pandemic right now so it’s hard to you know look at we can’t really say in in retrospect, but I’ve had them sort of working. What are the ways. What are the factors that contribute to post-traumatic growth.

Then We Can Get Into That Or

we can um we can talk about that later what. Have you seen any people feeling like they should have could have would have done more I haven’t been as productive as I as I ought to have been There’s been so much of that like regret, and there’s nothing worse than sort of that that guilt um like you know that that could you know why didn’t I manage you know learn how to speak Mandarin why didn’t I you know learn how to somebody on your podcast was saying they like climb mount everest on their staircase or something. I mean what an accomplishment but you know I think a lot of people think God. I just did nothing you know and I didn’t get anything done but that has so much to do with the way our brains work is that we’re we’re so good at noticing what is left undone right like we’re so good at. Seeing what we haven’t completed and there was a researcher in Vienna in the 1930s um Dr Zygarnick, who noticed that when waiters were working in in restaurants and serving tables, they you know had an amazing ability to remember the orders.

The Multiple Orders That Were Open, And

though what they once an order was completed and people would pay the check and left it would just be obliterated from their memory. They had no idea like if you said to them, what did those people have again they would have no idea but they could remember the orders that were sort of half complete. Like that person still needs a coffee that one needs some cake and so what this is is our we’re so good at remembering sort of what’s undone but not particularly good at remembering what we’ve accomplished and so I mean I think this. can work for us and against us too and it can work for you know against us when it comes to regret like why didn’t I do this or I had on my to-do list to write that screenplay to get in shape to quit smoking and all those things, but we’re really bad at focusing on what we have completed and again that’s an intentional deployment issue right. I mean it’s like how what are you seeing and if you do sort of ask yourself to remind yourself like what did I check off that list today and I think that can sort of help people just getting through the pandemic.

You Know Maybe Did You You

know did you speak more to your kids than you ever have before did you like deepen your relationship with your spouse During this period, like what what maybe did you accomplish. I think refocusing attention is a really big part of that it’s got to be so conscious, though right like you’re not going to do that just on a whim. You’re not going to remember that you spoke to your kids a little bit more or got to spend some more time with your spouse, But forget the fact that you didn’t get in shape or didn’t learn mandarin like it’s got to be quite effortful well that’s what I might just find to be just so interesting about like how our brains work anyway is how our our inability to sort of clock the good stuff and we you know unless you’re sort of effortful about it and there’s this wonderful. I think philosopher at the University of Chicago and he calls it delight hunting and unless you’re actually registering things that are beautiful or you know sort of. Interesting they’ll just sort of pass through you and those sort of you won’t even filter them, But if you even just write it down or like wow that was sort of a cool bird I just saw or like that tasted so good that thing.

I Just Ate And You Share It

with somebody else it does shift. It becomes this uplift and we know that positive emotions kind of help buffer you know we’re talking about a lot of like hassles and things like that when you just experience those positive emotions that you do have like a different level like a scaffolding against just the annoyances that are just flying at you every day doesn’t Rick Hansen say something similar to that in hardwiring happiness. I’m sure that he talks about the fact that when you do something nice or that you’re proud of you need to. Sit with it in your mind for 10 seconds and that that actually is long enough to lay down the myelin sheaths around the neural pathways and then over time it actually becomes easier to be more and more grateful, but yeah, I mean here’s a perfect example, think about the last thing that you didn’t complete and how long you ruminated over that and then think about the last thing that you did complete and think about how fleetingly you allowed that sensation to occur. It was more like a relief than pleasure, whereas on the other side, it’s more like guilt or shame as opposed to encouragement.

  • patients lot anxiety
  • anxiety position advice givers experience
  • pandemic told giving advice
  • giving advice worried friends know
  • cbt sort knew manage anxiety

So The Bad Things Are Always Felt Much

more harshly and they last longer and then the good things are so much more brief and they don’t have as much impact no and so how do we sort of refocus our attention to and to be more deliberate about it because it just won’t sit with us. I mean I can tell you about the thousand things. I’m bad at you know you go and you have a conversation with your you know boss or your manager and they’ll tell you you know some pretty nice things. The only thing you’ll remember is the criticism and that’s just how our brains work and in some ways it can be kind of you know productive too it’s sort. of that’s you know knowing what’s unfinished like that unfinished business is maybe what you what does what will motivate you um to focus on and so maybe you won’t procrastinate as much but I think being deliberate about Delight is really really important and in sharing it with someone else because then it does imprint somehow.

  • anxiety
  • intervention
  • anxious
  • psychiatrist
  • empowering

I Think On Your Brain.

I think it is the myelin sheaths that it’s it’s creating a memory of it going beyond that fleeting moment because otherwise we’re just tumble weeds we’re just kind of being blown about by all these other whims and and sort of at the mercy of our you know brains that are afraid of anything negative so um yeah. I’m really interested in how do you clock delight what are micro stresses. Micro stressors are a really potent form of stress and I think we tend to ignore. them they’re the everyday like hassles and frustrations like the just those annoyances that you can’t control it’s the traffic jam.

Its Your Spilled Coffee.

It’s just those irritations and you know we often think that the it’s really like the big life events that are the most distressing to us and that take the most out of us in the biggest toll well. It turns out that actually we’re pretty resilient to most of those to loss to change to inflection points and most of the research suggests that we’re we we recover we bounce back from those even . For instance, after 9 11 in in New York City, there was an expectation that people would have post you know traumatic stress disorder and there’d be a huge amount of resources that were earmarked for treatment turned out. Six months later it was minimal and so.

We Know That That Resilience Is Actually

the default not um to those big life events, but to those little stuff that accumulation of those micro stressors that happen every single day They they accumulate they grow and look nobody’s bringing you a casserole because you got stuck in a traffic jam right like nobody’s like Oh tell me more about your delayed flight that sounds so interesting so I think you don’t have the social support around it. but all these studies show that those little hassles and micro stressors add up so much and take the biggest toll on your physical health and also on your mental health cardiovascular. It takes cardiovascular toll but also on your immune system like they know I think it’s a Carnegie Mellon University . It’s Dr Cohen there and he’ll take the flu virus and you know to his. poor graduate students They get you know on a Q-tip.

They Get The Flu Virus Stuck

up their nose and and you know then he measures. You know puts them basically in a like hotel room and measures who comes down with the flu and who doesn’t well during periods of stress like before exams and um you know when they’re sort of stressed out they’re much more likely to come down with the symptoms of the flu to feel worse like their feelings are worse about it and even the pork brad. Students have to measure their tissues with the amount of snot inside them and that.


A lot of my patients felt unbelievably prepared for the pandemic. They told me that they were giving advice to their worried well friends who you know typically would say to them why are you so anxious what worries you all the time you know.& I my hope is that emerging from this that there has been some growth. Some focus on you know what has one gained in it and even some you know post-traumatic growth is that we’ve actually seen. I don’t you know you can only really talk about it. I hope to see some growth from this. Some of the most common trends that you’ve seen over the last year are that we have seen. So I.& It’s really interesting that they had a lot of strategies that they use. They sort of knew how to manage their anxiety. I think they had to use CBt.& They had to work with them on is how certainty is such an illusion anyway, but what I tried to work for them on….. Click here to read more and watch the full video