Why Sensitive People Enjoy Feeling Sad Susan Cain Modern Wisdom Podcast 485

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Video Creator’s Channel Chris Williamson

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  • upbeat
  • introverts
  • introvert
  • goosebumps
  • emotions

The Goosebumps And The Chills That We Get From

music It comes from sad music. It doesn’t come from the happy and upbeat tunes. It’s like there’s something that that music is conveying to us about the nature of reality that makes us feel kind of electric and alive. Because it’s speaking some deep truth. I watched your very famous Ted talk a few years ago and in it.

You Hoped That The World Was Going To

become a more introvert friendly place doing a sort of analysis of what’s happened over the last few years. How do you feel that’s gone what’s the post-mortem. I think it’s gone amazingly well and also that we still have a long way to go and I think you know that’s true of any social shift. You can sometimes see changes but still know that there’s still a distance to travel but yeah. I compare things to the way they were 10 years ago.

  • psychologists neuroscience looked sad music
  • goosebumps chills music
  • going music evoke emotional response
  • sad music induces feelings know
  • studies know goosebumps chills music

I Think Its Been A Pretty Seismic

shift just in terms of the the degree to which people are aware of the fact that we are introverts or extroverts, or maybe somewhere in between and that that shapes so much of who we are and and the willingness of companies and schools and organizations to talk about it but I would say most of all the biggest shift I’ve seen is in individual humans. You know all the letters that I get from people telling me that they once had felt like they didn’t have permission to be their true selves and that now they do and they embrace it. And there’s this amazing paradox at the heart of so many of these letters, which is that the more people embrace their true quiet nature the more successful. They become in the outer facing world. I see this over and over again.

Its Very Difficult To Compete With Somebody

that’s being themselves right. No one can beat you exactly exactly and um and I think humans really like truth most of all and when you feel like somebody is telling the truth about who they are and living that truth we like it. You know and we want to be with them. Yeah. I did a tedx talk the start of last year and this was the entire topic of it.

It Was About Embracing Your Weirdness And About

the fact that Dali was this Salvador. Dali was this unbelievably unique human, but if he hadn’t embraced everything that he was we weren’t going to get Darley out of Da Vinci and we weren’t going to get dolly out of Michelangelo. It was important for him to. Embrace all of the elements of him, the ones that got him locked in a deep-sea diving suit that he had to be wrenched out of in the middle of a talk and the one where he was throwing himself down the stairs at nine years old because he just liked pain like you know he was a bizarre guy beyond the facial hair and yeah it’s it’s very very right. There is a resonance that you get when you can see somebody just being themselves and just being truthful and um it’s very alluring which is bizarre because a lot of the time, especially with introverts that’s exactly not what they want they want like the allure to kind of come and go as they please and some of the people that are the most engaging are the ones who are um not necessarily looking for it yeah I.

I Dont Know I I I Do

think introverts want to be able to yeah. They may just not always want to talk about who they are. I think they want different ways of expressing it or to be able to just take time off. I think that’s the thing. It’s a in a twi in a 24 7 on society.

They Want Time Off.

I agree how do you go from talking about introverts to thinking about feelings of sorrow and longing then well. It’s very interesting in that I thought that talking about sorrow and longing in this book bittersweet. I I thought when I started this project that it was a pretty big departure from what I had done in the past. You know just like a completely new topic and it is but what I’m finding is that so much of the way people are reacting.

To It Is Its Very Similar To What

I heard with quiet in that so many people saying Oh, yeah, you know this is who I really am This is speaking to a deep truth about myself or about the way. I perceive the world but not one. I had put into words before or not one that I felt like I could put into words before because you’re supposed to be so upbeat and so positive. You’re not supposed to talk about these kinds of things um so in that way there there was this this real parallel that I had completely not been aware of when I first started. What are the emotions that you’re talking about in bittersweet um well.

I Am Talking About Sorrow And Longing.

I’m talking about I’m really talking about his joy and sorrow, though like I’m talking about the way in which. The nature of reality is that joy and sorrow are forever paired and light and dark are forever paired and and so we have to embrace both of them and accept both of them and look at both of them in a clear-eyed kind of way and to understand that everyone and everything that we love most is impermanent not going to live forever, but that there’s something about really living deeply in that perception in that apprehension that is a kind of gateway to creativity to connection to transcendence, and you can feel this you know when I mean what what got me down This whole garden path in the first place is is just my lifelong love of sad music and what sad music unleashes in us. I mean certainly in me but but then I start then I started to realize like they’re all these studies. find you know the goosebumps and the chills that we get from music It comes from sad music.

It Doesnt Come From The Happy

and upbeat tunes. It’s like there’s something that that music is conveying to us about the nature of reality that makes us feel kind of electric and alive because it’s speaking some deep truth. What do you think is going on there how is it that music can evoke an emotional response in that sort of way. I think that the musician is saying to us in a pre–verbal way or in a you know super verbal way. Maybe they’re saying to us everything that you’ve ever felt and maybe not wanted to say.

Im Telling You Ive Felt It Too.

I’m telling you everyone’s felt it too and I’m gonna take the further step of turning this thing that you felt into something. so, there’s a kind of yeah, There’s a transformation in it and a kind of union in it. It is interesting to think about the sort of impact that that music has on us. I I wonder I would love to speak to a an evolutionary psychologist about it and think about how how is this adaptive.

You Know How Is It That

music can cause us to it can induce this emotional state is that a byproduct of something else you know is it that there is something else that we need to be attuned to, and it happens to be that music can tap into that as well or is there a specific pathway that’s causing us to be able to be made crying weeping messes on the floor by the right song at the right time. I know it’s a very interesting question and psychologists and neuroscience have looked at what it is about sad music that induces all these feelings of you know. Pleasure is to like simple a word for it, but all these great feelings in us and I I don’t know that anyone’s ever come up with a really great explanation for it . You know they talk about how it brings our bodies to a state of physical equilibrium but but what I found more although it was my kind of bias going into this whole question to be looking at things more from a scientific and evolutionary point of view, and and I do that in certain ways that we can talk about the question about music specifically. I ended up finding it was more interesting to think about it in religious terms than anything else which I hadn’t expected because I didn’t really go in as a religious person like I think of myself as an agnostic and I still am but um, but I think that what when you listen to music, what you start to realize is that like a huge majority of the songs that touch us the most are tuning into a sense of longing like an existential yearning for something that’s what the music is expressing and so it’s this it’s expressing the exact same thing that religion expresses in its longing for the garden of Eden and its longing for Zion and its longing for Mecca and its longing for the beloved of the soul that’s one of the deepest aspects of human DNa and for those of us who aren’t.

Used To Thinking In Religious Terms

we’re kind of cut off from that we’re cut off from that side of our nature, but that’s what music is doing When you listen to it. You can hear it and then and and there are other manifestations of that that we have in our art like you know. Dorothy is longing for somewhere over the rainbow Odysseus in in the Odyssey he’s longing for for home, he’s longing for ithaca and that’s what sets him off on his adventure. So you see this like embedded into our deepest works of art and I think we’re not um in conscious enough relationship to that longing, even though it’s even though it taps our deepest nature, How is joy and sorrow different from something like Ore and dread well. I think of Ah and dread as being very different and I know.

People Talk About Oz Being Somehow In

relation to fear which I I don’t fully buy so I’m going to separate those out. I. I will say that um we have in the quiz in the book a bittersweet quiz that I developed with the psychologists David Yaden at Johns Hopkins and Scott Barry Kaufman and and it’s also on the website for people who want to just kind of take it quickly. It’s Susan Kane. net if you want to just do it in a minute or two, but we did preliminary studies with the quiz.

The Quiz Basically Measures How Prone You

are to this experience of bitter sweetness. This kind of like intense awareness of joy and sorrow and what we found is that people who are high in their proneness. To these states you know they they spend a lot of time that bittersweet state of being. They also are prone to states of awe and wonder and spirituality, So there seems to be some kind of connection there I don’t know that we know exactly what it is, but I will say that there’s also a high correlation between bitters,weetness and what the psychologist Elaine Aaron calls high sensitivity, which is a kind of like it describes 15 to.

Summary

The Ted Ted talk is about how the world is becoming more introverts friendly . He says the biggest shift I’ve seen is in individual humans . People are aware of the fact that we are introverts or extroverts, or maybe somewhere in between and that that shapes so much of who we are . The goosebumps and the chills that we get from music It comes from sad music. It doesn’t come from the happy and upbeat tunes.& It’s like there’s something that that that music is conveying to us about the nature of reality that makes us feel kind of electric and alive.& I think humans really like truth most of all and when you feel like somebody is telling the truth about who they are and living that truth we like it we want to be with them. The more people embrace their true quiet nature the more successful they become in the outer facing world. It’s very difficult to compete with somebody that’s being themselves right. No one can beat you exactly exactly…. Click here to read more and watch the full video